He sat with his belly hugging his knees, the weight of its bulk sinking him lower and lower into the grey cushioning of the sleek black range rover. The sun was glaring out of the sky like a beggar who had been handed a bible instead of money and the heat watered his clothes.
“Go and pick her up”, he sharply told the driver.
He was seated at the back of the beast. He always sat at the back for caution; his lofty perch on the social ladder wouldn’t let him ride shotgun.
The driver, a herculean in a white turtle neck with a bald neck sat at the front staring into nothing, waiting for another instruction. The two minute silence was a threat he knew so well and so he leaped out of the vehicle to pick her.
The fat man seated inside the car with tinted windows flicked his watch, Kadogo the driver had spent only spent ten minutes away but it seemed like an eternity. His brow drowned in sweat. Where was he? He couldn’t open the window that would be clumsy, He couldn’t risk getting out of the car; nobody must see him. And so he sat, sweat dripping impatience stretching time as the sleek black car sat with him outside Nana Hostel. Nana is a popular hostel with throngs of lustful fathers and greedy daughters in the parking lot at any one time of the day, and this being a Friday it was not shy of the stereotype.
“I’m sorry boss she took long to get out of her room”, mouthed the burly man as he took his position in the car.
“Next time your body will be found in the sewage trenches of Kalerwe”, came the bellowed reply.
There was silence.
“BABE, don’t get annoyed, I had to wait for Nancy to come back we lost the key”, cooed the new entrant in the vehicle.
Faux gold loop earrings clung against each other like cutlery as she extended her yellow hands with blood red nails to rub his belly. He chuckled. He liked it when the young girls rubbed his belly; it made him feel something his wife had failed to make him feel in a while. Rose perfume permeated the sweltering prison.
A tight red dress fastened her body together and the display of yellow thighs was what the fat man needed. The orange hair on her head made his eyes teary she reminded him of a colourful piece of corn candy from back in his childhood; he pained for it then and he pained for her now. Her hair looked like the hide used to make crowns for warriors and her eyes were always colored with excitement. He didn’t care that it was feigned because he liked her.
She made him feel young. She was energetic, yellow, and stupid just like the doctor ordered.
She barely spoke sense; he would give her money so that she could talk about the plan for the money. Konshen’s concert, Peruvian hair- women like having things that are not theirs, shoes, and all the nonsense a 23yr old bimbo would spend money on although for a fact he didn’t know her age and she didn’t know his either. Their business was not about age.
“We are going to the usual place in Mukono”, the fat man told Kadogo as he stretched his hand to touch the thigh that was beckoning him and the car purred to life as it set off.
A white Toyota corona that had been revving since the burly man had entered the parking lot followed the black range rover.
Mrs. Ponku had had enough. After 20yrs, she had to accept that her marriage was not working because of the scourge of infidelity and she was bombarded by stories of husband roaming hostels-picking up different young girls. She was plump dark lady who had aged gracefully with a head that was covered in grey hair which she proudly showed off. It had earned her the name Mzungu.
Mzungu told her sister about her woes. Her sister who was an agony aunt convinced her to call the popular TV Show Lady Scovia of the famed CHEATERS and today Mzungu was seated with Scovia and videographers from ABS TV. They had responded promptly even after short notice. The black range rover had moved out of Kampala and the uncertainty of the tango had made her start biting her nails, a bad habit she had acquired ever since she started planning to expose Mr. Ponku.
The Black range rover parked in the only available spot exclusive at the HIGH CLASS HOTEL. Scores of expensive cars littered the parking lot.
Mr Ponku stepped out of the range rover when Kadogo opened the door. Kadogo towered over the rotund frame of his boss. A few seconds later a yellow girl emerged from the vehicle and she placed her arm on the waist of her partner. They wobbled into the bar.
Mzungu remained in the car with the Avengers- Only for a while. She entered the hotel and started frantically searching for her husband. After thirty minutes she managed to force her way into the private bar. The conviviality of the room was easy to explain- swarms of old men sat with visibly younger girls as they watched obscenities on the stage.
“Ponku you shameless Idiot!!!”, screeched Mzungu.
“I… I…I… can.. explain Mzungu”, Ponku replied meekly.
“Explain what?!” Mzungu countered, her verbal attack just picking up momentum.
She leaped onto his table and slapped the head lights out of the girl who was facing down. The TV crew was already in action, as other young girls scampered to hide away from the cameras. The half-naked women on the stage looked disconcerted by the recent turn of events. They gathered their props and run off the stage.
Mzungu threw the platter of meat off the table. She mustered all the energy she could and kicked her sweating husband in the stomach. He yelped.
“STOP! Please stop! Let me explain” cried Ponku.
Mzungu blinded with fury couldn’t hear what he was saying. She had come to teach him a lesson. She started throwing plates at him. Hotel security flooded into the room and tried to hold her back.
“Let that idiot explain”, she screamed over the two burly that were holding her back.
“That girl! I don’t know what she wants from me”, explained Ponku as he begun to regain his wits and a faint light bulb went off in his head “She follows me everywhere I go! She brought me here by force and bought me steak. In fact thank you for coming you have saved me a great deal”, he added without flinching.
There was silence.
“WHAT?” screamed Mzungu.
Laughter rang out in the room.
Mzungu who was heaving and panting felt the bile fade out of her like chilliness of the morning when the sun rises in the morning. She was married to a fool and she knew it. The guards had let her go while they were laughing at Ponku’s excuse.
The crowd had gathered in record time. They lambasted his behavior and jeers were the soundtrack to the movie.
She picked up a pile of plates and aimed for Ponku’s belly, his most beloved asset.
“For my children”, she screamed as the plates hit Ponku.
He thunderously fell to the ground.